I Am Pretty Sure Its Cold In Hell

This is the worst time of the year. The fever of summer is breaking, and a subtle depression is falling over me at thought I am at the beginning of another long winter. I want to sleep for six months and wake up when the world is new and green again. There is nothing good about winter. Nothing at all. I hate it so much that I thought I would enumerate the reasons that I hate winter so much.

Blasted sore throat that makes you have to talk yourself into swallowing
Runny Noses that have you rub your own nose raw
The need for tissues, as mentioned above
Toes so cold that make me wonder if they are all still present and accounted for
Have to carry a jacket everywhere, and most of the time, you are already wearing on
Even if it 15 degrees out business still think it needs to be 60 degrees inside
How sad my Thanksgiving plate looks. Turkey, gravy, rolls.
The fact you won’t see my arms for 6 months
Arctic chill blowing up my church dress
No sunbathing, no swimming, no swimsuits. That should be enough to depress the boys.
Fruits just won’t be the same for six months
Red tips of ears and nose, like I am some kind of hyper-color shirt
Rain and consequently wet dog, wet dog smell, and muddy paw prints
The smell of coffee, ugh, I hate coffee
Figure hiding sweaters, and thus the built in excuse to eat and eat
Snow.
Getting the end of your sleeve wet every time you wash your hands
Scrapping icy windows, so it makes your own personal snow storm in your face
Earmuff, mittens, and scarves. Where do you carry all this stuff once you get there?
Goosebumps that makes my shave this morning pointless
It is dark when you wake up, go to bed, all freaking day
Dry skin that just don’t go away no matter what you slather on it
Being inside all the time like you are literally winter’s prisoner
Moving from heater to heater in the house so much that you actually consider buying a Snuggie
Getting out of the car, getting out of the bathtub, getting out of bed
I blow through twice as much Chapstick in a week than I would in a summer month
Giving my asthma back its iron grip on my ability to exchange carbon dioxide for oxygen
Watching your beautiful tan fade back to pale like you are turning into a vampire very slowly
Everything in the world falls into a limited palette of dismal gray
Another freaking birthday

And the top five reasons I hate winter :

It's cold
It's bloody cold
It's effin’ cold
It's damn cold
and did I mention, it's cold?