100 Things To Do Before I Die
1. Ride in a helicopter and not on a stretcher, I would like to be able to sit up and see out the window
but I fear the five year olds in my class would show me up
3. View the Constitution in person nerd trap
4. Learn another language, most likely Spanish or Sign Language is it wrong that it is mostly for the dollar rasie I would get at work
5. See a musical on Broadway I'm not even going to apoligize for that one
6. Learn to play an instrument I think I can get a triangle on eBay for pretty cheap
7. Crowd surf or I can just get a friend to grab my butt several times in a row, same difference
(shhh....don't tell my dad)
9. Do a backflip on a trampoline Currently I look like a flying fish before I fall and kick myself in the back of the head
10. Go to England and drive on the other side of the road or go to another country and be a horrible driver there too
11. Buy a house I think a Barbie dream-house might be what I can handle right now
12. Write a book or get published I hear true crime sells great, lock your doors
13. Take a cruise I bet that seal clubbing cruise I looked into last year is pretty cheap right now
14. Master making bisque or just pick McCormick's and pass it off as my own, who would know?
15. Be an extra on a TV show After my true crime book, I can ask America's Most Wanted or Cops to help me out with this one
I bet the Mirage would be just about the same, maybe I will just do that
17. Trek to see the painting "Guernica" then burn it to the ground so I was the last one to enjoy it
18. Meet John Irving Doesn't have to be THE John Irving, any will do, I will just pick one out of the phone book
19. Got to Chicago I hear they have the best meth there.
20. Be pregnant I am calling a surrogacy agency as we speak
21. Go on photo safari Point and shoot of a different variety
22. Go skinny dipping Believe it or not, have never actually done this
23. See the Yankees play where they will surely beat the Mets
If the turkey takes as long to cook as the whole chickens I made, I should start cooking a week from Tuesday
25. Ride on an elephant You think Babar is free?
26. Color my hair I am like 10 grays away from this already, genes are being jerks
27. Finish my Radcliffe 100 Greatest Novels list, including Ulysses I could not finish Ulysses if the secret to alchemy was in there
28. Honeymoon in Miami And avoid running into Dexter in the process
29. See the Aurora Borealis LSD might give the same affect but way cheaper
30. Fall in love
31. Master a video game Does World of Warcraft or Starcraft 2 make me hotter to nerds?
33. Learn to write left handed I am so tired of being right all the time
34. Finally learn how to wear eyeliner correctly RaccOOns are sexy too, right?
35. Go deep sea fishing and catch something amazing Here Flipper, Flipper, Flipper
36. Finally join my family at Burning Man with a blindfold, I don't need to see my dad naked
37. Visit the Harry Potter Experience in Orlando My letter is coming by owl any day now
38. Learn to juggle more than one boy at a time
39. Get a bachelors in English My other useless degree feels lonely
40. Ride on a dog sled Carson tied to a wood box just isn't the same
41. Have the perfect kitchen made just for me Complete with built in floor shackle
Single old maid dies in avalanche of books
43. Attend a fashion show please fall, please fall
44. Participate in Holi, the Festival of Colors then again, me putting on makeup is kinda the same
45. Get in a girl fight The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club
46. After learning to swim, scuba diving Why are those sharks following me?
47. Dance on a bar Coyote Ugly taught me I need closed toed shoes for this, mental note made
48. Learn to walk on my hands because I am oh so graceful on my feet that I need more of a challenge
49. Dance Tango with an Argentinian Rose is optional
No comments please
51. Do a project where I have my friends send me back letters I sent them Looking for some cheap kindling this winter
52. Be completely honest with everyone in my life You suck, you're ugly, and I hate you...
53. Ride on a tandem bike does the bike come with a friend too?
54. Picture with the Eiffel tower I will add it to my collection of pictures of me with other phallic shaped objects
55. Have a major effect on some one's life Running someone over counts
56. Professional photo shoot Clothing optional? What does that mean?
57. Restore my dresser Because who wants to just pay for a new one when they can do countless hours of tedious work?
58. New Year's Eve in Time Square I love getting pick-pocketed
59. Get a submission on one website I follow: Awkward Family Photos, Text From Last Night, etc. For the bishop's sake, lets shoot for the former
60. Eat in the restaurant Picasso's here in Vegas Anyone know a millionaire I can date?
61. Save someone out of hospital with no meds, no monitors, and no mask. Ew, that just got all over me. Awesome
62. Get a sleeper car on a train Where mystery and intrigue surely wait for me
63. Make out at the drive-in Teenagers make this look so easy to accomplish
and not vomit afterwards
65. Tell those who know the whole me how much they mean to me Can I have your brother's number? I have something to tell him, nope nothing to tell you, just him.
66. Stay in a Strip hotel A hotel on the Strip not one you have to strip at...geez
67. Write my living will So you jerks don't "accidentally" trip over my ventilator cord
68. Sign up for my 401K (blush) Also have not done this
69. Kiss a man in uniform on Veterans' Day It is just downright patriotic
70. Fly First Class You may call me Ms. Riggs or Master, now run along and get me my soda
71. Go to one of those trapeze experiences Surely easier than swimming
72. Paint on a decent sized canvas I hear they are looking for a new painting to stand where "Guernica" used to be
73. Eat a salad Does fruit salad count?
...of the grocery store
75. See Ludacris in concert Welcome to Atlanta and the reason you got a tetanus shot last year