October Is About To Blossom Beneath The Harvest Moon

If you have ever met me, you know quite well the excitement I have for the most mundane of things.  You got those amazing pants at 50% off?  I will do a little cheer for you.  You payed off your credit card bill?  In celebration, I made this four layer cake and this card by hand for you; congrats!They are showing X-Men the animated series on Adult Swim?!? Break out the streamers, it is about to be a party in here!  This week I was even told to take it down a notch at work as I breezed through the halls humming and singing like it was my own personal Broadway rendition of "Hospital: A Comedy".

Needless to say, if the most mundane of events are cause for skywriting and balloon bouquets, you can only imagine the feelings that fill me when traditional reason to celebrate roll around.  With Flip's birthday over, it is now time to turn focus the time of year where I tend to go more overboard than usual.  October is about to blossom beneath the harvest moon and my excitement is beginning to swell.

What is so great about October you ask in a derisive, and might I say a touch snide tone?  It surely cannot be the death of summer's warm embrace or the subsequent lose of the bare limbed hedonism it produces.  October is wonderful because that which is that which is normally eschewed now takes center stage to be reveled in and enjoyed.

Yes folks, in the name of Halloween we are allowed to enjoy the most gruesome displays of human carnage laid out neatly on the front lawn for the neighborhood kids to see.  If October had a marketing team, surely the would tout, "The grosser the better".  The fantastical things we mint in silicone, latex, and plastic is mind boggling.  Severed heads on pikes lining the walk, dismembered torsos used to serve chips and guacamole out of, or rubber knives for guests to tote about as they represent soulless murderers all in the name of good fun.  Going for the gore is something we are only allowed to do during this magical time.  Any other time of year, if you decorate with skulls and electric chairs, the ladies might feel a touch uncomfortable when you ask if they want to go back to your place.

Taking the gore to the next level, I absolutely adore haunted houses.  When else can you pay to enjoy an evening designed to make you produce one or more bodily fluids and it still be legal?  This being my first Halloween back in Vegas, I was worried they would not be into the whole backwoods, Texas Chainsaw, house of redneck horrors thing.  Oh, how wrong I was.  The Fright Dome is Circus Circus' haunted house that goes above and beyond what even an October enthusiast like myself could ever hope for.  There are five separate haunted houses, including one that is Saw themed, a zombie apocalypse one, and for all you coulrophobics out there, a clown one.  I...can...not...wait.

In addition to the live entertainment, the canned media is exception this month.  I am far from a typical girl when it comes to many things, and media is no different.  I love guns, explosions, car chases, hand to hand combat, murder, mayhem, and just about anything found in the horror section of Blockbuster.  October usually nets me gads of movies filmed with only my sheer terror and disgust in mind, and I eat them all up.  Satan worshipping, things that go bump in the night, possessed children, vivisection, or  buckets of blood are all that it really takes to make me all atwitter-patted at preview time.  In addition to the new tales of blood baths offered, it is also time to enjoy all my old friends like, Dawn of the Dead, Hostel, Final Destination, and the best scary movie ever made, I don't care what you say, Thir13en Ghosts.

Despite all the amazingness that happens in October, it really is all about the costumes, oh the costumes. As I am disrobing on All Hallow's Eve, I am already thinking what I am going to be next year.  I have had some great costumes in the past.

Your Conscious - I was the shoulder angel

Carrie - I had to stand there while the blood dried

Marge Simpson - We won best costume this year

A Rockford Peach - I beat a guy with that bat, allegedly.

A flamingo - I won best costume this year too

I am right at the beginning to my final decision making process of what to be this year.  I have been settled on Luna Lovegood for most of the year, but upon sharing my amazing costume idea with other, and getting many quizzical looks, I am reconsidering.  One of my costume rules is that is has to be something people recognize, that I don't have to explain.  You can see why the choice of Luna is giving me trouble.  I have been compiling a short list of ideas.  I can be Lady Justice with her scales, Anne Boleyn, a WWII nurse, The Silk Spector, The Cheshire Cat, a borg member, Alice from Resident Evil, Sally from a Nightmare before Christmas, Jackie O, Betty Page, a Stepford Wife, Mystique, a geisha, a Halo soldier, Amelia Earhart, The White Witch, Sailor Moon, The Mona Lisa, a 50's pin-up girl, Elphaba, a Voodoo Doll, Queen Amidala, and the circulatory system.  

I have no doubt this October will not fail to disappoint.  To all of those out there who are only in it for the candy, I beg you to reconsider October as the best month on record and enjoy it for all that it has to offer.

With Friends Like These

We have a great deal more kindness than is ever spoken.  In the still of the night it is the thoughts and prayers another says for your aching heart.  In the center of your joy it is the ones who bask in your light and share in your triumph.  In the chasm of time it is those who are ever present on your path.  Our lives, while perceived as short, are a series of moments that yawn out in the past and make up the intangible essence of our future, congealed together to form years, decades of existence.  It is not good for man to walk this earth alone; to help us endure this journey we have the rarest of gifts that can be given by another, friendship.

Each of our hearts will testify differently to what defines the value of a friendship.  Some will say it consists of the ever bubbling font of desire that wants nothing but the best for the other.  Some will claim it is lies in the capacity to feel sympathy and empathy for the other's lot in life or the compassion to make that lot theirs as well.  While others will assert it is the honesty that exists in that space; an honesty so bright and pure that it can even be spoken when the truth is the hardest to hear.  Surly all would agree that it consists of the mutual understanding of the scrubbed down essence of one's self and the trust that blossoms from it, enabling each the emotional support that can only be found therein.

While all can denote the generals, for the answer to what is the meaning of friendship, it lies within our hearts, because true friendship can only be felt, and not expressed.  The intimacy nurtured there is the fodder for our souls, allowing us to just love and be loved in return.  Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words.  It is the acceptance that comes on a consistent basis that makes out lives rich of color and full of vigor.

Of late, I spent days in the company of my oldest friend.  He knew me before I knew myself.  Upon the cusp of adulthood, I was brash and unrefined.  Yet, when I was new and friendless, Tass brought me in to his fold and gave me a warm place to blossom.  I wonder what has made our friendship endure while so many others fell by the wayside.  Our longevity is beauty; our relationship is the very essence of friendship.  Although not immutable, our endurance has proved that we are able to be there for each other at all times, ebb or flow, ups or downs, light or dark.  Being each other's friend has required understanding, which has shown me how to be sensitive.  Being each other's friend has called us to always give the benefit of the doubt, which has helped to mold my ability to allow love to overcome my pride.  Being each other's friend has compelled us to share unconditional acceptance of the true base of our beings.

While Tass is my oldest friend, there are so many others who have come into my life like a star aglow.  Lustrous and luminescent, each one has changed me in enduring ways and ameliorated my character.  Ranger showed me the joy of letting go of judgments and allowing myself to be love unconditionally.  Her openness gave me the bravery to allow myself to be open with others.  The Preacher gave me the courage to rebuild when I though all was lost and the bliss honesty can bring.  He challenged me to be more than was expected of me and to give more than was required.  Red taught me the value of self-examination, self-discovery, and the immense value of self-control.  She allowed me to open myself to new wonders and the importance to love yourself first.  Frankie challenged me to be better at all that I do no matter how small the task, to let go of my neurosis, and to see every situation from the other person's perspective.  His ability to show me ways I can elevate myself is a skill now so precious to me, I scarcely can imagine my progress to this point with out it.  The Peacemaker showed me how the utter value in being nice, and inspired me to emulate her.  Princess drilled into my consciousness that self-pity was of no value and had no place in a happy life.  Flip has demonstrated that others can accept you for all that you are, even the parts of yourself that you fear sharing the most.  His ability to create a zone free of judgement and ridicule that allows me to be so honest, that I am able to discover things about myself that would have been lost otherwise.

The value I place on friendship, I can liken to no other.  Each friend gives to me something so pure and essential that while it is not visible to the eye, it is always felt by my heart.  Although some have been lost along the way, the values and lessons they all have left with me will not be forgotten.  All are the rocks and rill that direct the path my flow goes.  They are those that make my burden lighter, the ones with whom trust is more than a word, the ones with whom who loyalty is freely given, the ones who accept the shortcomings, the ones who stand by you during your darkest days, the ones who can listen without just waiting for their turn to talk.  To all my friends out there, I want to thank you for the part you played and all that you are.  Thank you to those who understand my past, believe in my future, and accepts me just the way I am.  Thank you for just being you.

New Scrubs!

I have been badly in need of new scrubs.  Don't get me wrong, I have a drawer full of them, they just all happen to be two or three times to large on me.  You may not remember this, but my camera sure does, but there used to be way more of me to love.  Right as I was starting to lose the weight, I left the hospital and went to work in a clinic that provided scrubs with the company logo on them.  Hence my own scrubs sat in a drawer for two years and were only pulled out recently when I started working at the hospital again.  I have needed to buy smaller ones for several months now, and tonight I finally did.  Check out what I got!

First Top - Alice In Wonderland.  Besides being cool and a big hit with the stoner crowd, I like them because you don't get many literary reference in scrub tops.  Plus we used to live on Lewis Carroll lane when I was younger so there you go.

Second Top - The Hulk.  How could I not get these?  I mean they are amazing right?  Plus if I get really pissed at work, I can just rip my top off and blame it on my inner monster.  I feel like that is a good plan.

Third Top - Iron Man - These might be my new favorites, dethroning my sushi scrubs.  It is a great color, a great character, and will surely make my key demographic turn their head in appreciation.  I mean if I have to wear shapeless smocks to work, I have to give the boys something to turn their heads at.

Fourth Top - Spiderman, spiderman, does what ever a spider can...  Now while I am excited about these, as you will see below, there were two other designs that I liked better but were special orders on ebay out of cotton material, which sucks in a scrub top.  I have several cotton tops that I never wear because they are constantly in a ball of wrinkly mess.  Cotton-Poly blend is the only way to go.

Here are some designs that I did not go with because as stated previously, they were all cotton.  I wish I could have each and everyone one of them.  Who does not love the Transformers?  I love cars.  I love robots.  Transformers are the best combo since chocolate met peanut butter, only they won't make me as big as I was in that first picture.

I loved this one because it was referring to a book, but also it was like I had a dirty word on me and no one could say anything about it.

I am pretty sure I would be obligated to eat pizza every time I wore these and be able to get into deep philosophical debates about why Leonardo has so much angst.  

While ordering these might have meant I would have to bone up on my marine history, be ordered to do push-ups on the nasty hospital floor, or try to make devil dog jokes that I don't really get that miss their mark, they still are pretty freaking cool.  I think Flip would approve, and they would be a great conversation piece with the night security guard, who just so happens to be an ex-Marine.  

While I think I like the first Transformer design better, this one still deserved mention.  Optimus Prime looks kinda bad-a in this one.

I already have a pair of Simpson's scrubs, but these take the best of those scrubs and add the "Where's Waldo" effect.  The only thing I would be worried about is where Bart might end up on my scrubs.  Then I would never quite know if my patient was a dirty old man, or taking the Bart challenge seriously.

These were the Spiderman ones I really wanted, but what is the point of having the Amazing Spiderman if he never leaves my drawer?  It would just be cruel.

Same goes here.  Look at those moves.  I just realized how limber Spidey has to be.  Do you think he works out?

I would have ordered these in a minute, but they are sold out.  Please feel free to order them for me for my birthday.  February 17.  I like pink bows.

While the last comment was kind of a joke, this one is not.  They are totally sold out of these and I cannot find them anywhere.  I would do unspeakable things for anyone who found these for me.  Extra-small, don't worry about the matching bottoms, I can find them later.  

While I have four pairs ordered, I will need plenty more.  Please feel free to link me any scrubs you think I would like or seem oddly appropriate for my personality.  Before you check Red, I already searched for Diet Coke with Lime scrubs to no avail.  

Derisively Deranged Dexter

Although not socially acceptable, I must admit I have a deep, dark divulgence that I must share; I love television.  While my true devotion will always lie with the written word, television never fails to provide a delicious distraction designed to root you in place for hours.  While several series have been held near and dear to my heart, my most recent dalliance has been derisively, deranged Dexter.  I had previously seen an episode of the show but it left me dreadfully disillusioned with the concept as a whole.  It was not until Flip practically double dog dared me into watching it and again delved into the dark and dangerous world of Dexter, that I discovered the brilliance within.

Dexter is a likable Miami police blood spatter analyst by day but is reveled to be deeply defective when he secretly moonlights as a serial killer.  His well meaning foster father recognizes his deliciously dark depravity early on and diverted dastardly deeds into a positive channel ruled by a strict moral code.  He taught Dexter to use his deadly, destructive impulses to rid the streets of miscreants who have otherwise slipped through the fingers of justice.   While killing does double duty of vigilant justice and quieting the Dark Passenger, Dexter is always sure to do his due diligence to ensure guilt before delivering death, doom, and destruction.

While the each week's plot is either Dexter dumbing down his keen insight into the mind of other serial killers or fixing the damage done by his healthy kill appetite, the show's brilliance lies within the character development of dear demented Dexter.  Dexter's internal monologues makes the show.  While showing the gulf between his everyday actions and his disturbing devious inner landscape, it is delightfully well written.  The monologues depict the profile of an actual sociopath, devoid of emotions except his obsession with death and dying.  The writer's weave words into a poetic picture perfectly painting the dramatic difference between keenly self-aware Dexter and those around him.  Here are examples of Dexter's sub-human thought processes:

• Dexter: Most people have a hard time dealing with death, but I'm not most people. It's the grief that makes me uncomfortable. Not because I'm a killer. Really, I just don't understand all that emotion, which makes it tough to fake. In those cases, shades come in handy.

• Debra: I'm real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals. How are you holding up?  Dexter: I'm managing.  - No, I'm not. Keeping my face pinched in sorrow for two hours is a real chore. 

• Dexter: I like to pretend I'm alone. Completely alone. Maybe post-apocalypse or plague … whatever. No one left to act normal for. No need to hide who I really am. It would be … freeing.

• Dexter: Sometimes I wonder what it would be like for everything inside me that's denied and unknown to be revealed. But I'll never know. I live my life in hiding. My survival depends on it.

• Dexter: I remember when life was easy. When the only question I worried about was who's next. Now it's: How can I dodge my "protective detail"? What should I do with my "hostage"? These are not easy questions.

• Dexter: But if you play a role long enough, really commit, does it become real? Could I become real?

• Dexter: Here I am, paradox personified. Taking life, creating life.

• Dexter: Today I wake up, kiss the wife-to-be, feed the step-kids-to-be, dress myself in the usual pants, shirt … and pretense.

• Dexter: There are few milestones in life that evoke a stronger response than our final act: death. What was once moving, speaking, killing, and threatening becomes nothing but an empty vessel, which is not so different from how I've always felt.

• Dexter: We all have secrets. In that way, I'm just like everyone else – sorta.

• Dexter: Harry was right. I thought I could change what I am, keep my family safe. But it doesn't matter what I do, what I choose... I'm what's wrong. This is fate.

Despite dramatic content and a supporting cast that is never safe from dropping dead due to Dexter's playmates, Dexter is a quality show that one can become invested in.  Self-aware, self-effacing, and self-depricating Dexter will not only win your heart but will have you day dreaming your own dreary, dull, and drab life could be spiced up with a simple kill shirt, a roll of plastic wrap, and a hand-held 800 megahertz bone saw.  Happy viewing!

The First 100 Days

The first 100 days is a term that was first applied to my favorite president, Franklin D. Roosevelt. When FDR took office, the country was in financial ruins and he was tasked with pulling the country out of the Great Depression. Not only did he do so, but he did it all in the first 100 days of office. Fairly or not, all new presidents' first 100 days are graded against the spectacular things that FDR did with his. During this honeymoon period, new presidents try to harness the power of a successful campaign and use that political capital to implement their main programs and fulfill campaign promises. The first 100 days is often used as a yard stick for how the rest of a president's term will go, their ability flourish in their new roles, and sets the tone for the rest of their term.

Today marks the first 100 days I have lived in Vegas since the big move from Austin. While what I have done in the last 100 days is not shaping world politics or the US economy, I thought it rather fitting to see how my own First 100 days report card would read.

1) Artistic/creative - I must say I have defiantly improved in this area. While working 5 day week and having a hectic social life in Austin, I had little time to write. Since I now work nights and there is no one up at 4 am to chat with, I have been not only blogging more regularly, but also writing again. I am in the middle of writing two short stories and have been knocking around an idea for a third. In addition to the joy of actually putting pen to paper, I have also found that it has me paying closer attention to style and craft when I read and I now will find myself composing while I am doing nothing more than grocery shopping. Plus my graffiti habit has escalated since the move. That counts as creativity, right? Rating: Upgrade

2) Career - I love being a nurse. It is almost as much of who I am as being Mormon is. I know what a rarity it is to have found one's niche in life, but I was lucky enough to have done so. I learned to much while working in clinic, but as many of you know, I am and always was a hospital nurse. I crave the joy that comes after a crisis has passed and upon review, I knew exactly what to do. I love the stories I get to tell, I love seeing things normal people will never get to see, and I love, on the most human level, being there for people when they have nothing else. Even though this floor at this particular hospital was not what I had hoped for, the work is still essentially the same. Rating: Upgrade

3) Community - It is rather hard to say anything about this category because I am now working the night shift. No one holds political rallies, lets you walk shelter dogs, or judge toddler beauty contest in the middle of the night. Red was great at getting us out into our community and giving back, even if our service made it so I never want to ever paint another house as long as I live. Rating: Downgrade

4) Family - Last Sunday was Father's Day. Flip and I went out to my parent's house and had a feast fit for a Roman. Driving back home, I thought back to 10 years of holidays I spent at other people's houses, with their families. Christmas Eve and morning at Red's house with four rowdy brothers, birthday dinners at Frankie's with a dessert that was a well-deserved tradition, Thanksgiving at Princess' with the most tense football game of my life; all are priceless memories and made me feel so loved to have been part of that. The first time it was my awkward photos on the wall, my stories the parents told, the first time my parents got to meet a friend that was not from high school. It was the first time that I got to be on the giving side of the equation, and throughly enjoyed it. Rating: Upgrade

5) Financial - Well, while the move zapped all savings down to $60, my new job does pay more. The downside is that I work less, so the pay is only slightly better here. The bonuses I got for signing on to work for the company are what is going to push this category in a positive way. Also, I have been exposed to this whole 401K business which is supposed to make me a millionaire or something. I am not sure how that works, but assured it does. Rating: Upgrade

6) Fitness - I went down from going to the gym three times religiously to not even having a gym membership. While the sheer amount of dancing we do here has replaced my cardio, I have lost the definition I once had. I also strangely miss Frankie telling me to work for Kate arms, Megan Fox abs, and various other actresses body parts. Rating: Downgrade

7) Friends - I have been sitting here wondering what to say here. Austin has the advantage of ten years of my adult life, and the vast majority of my Mormon years. I could go to parties and see people who I had not seen forever and be right back where we were when we last saw each other, or I could see marrieds at Stake Conference with their three kids and remember when I went to their wedding. Here I am the new fish, the one who gets to meet everyone for the first time. I have met so many new people who are just as fun, and vivacious as my Austin friends. Trying to compare the two was nearly impossible, but in the end I realize just because I now live here and have made new friends, this does not mean I have lost my other friends, only added to them. Rating: Upgrade

8) Fun - Entertainment Capital of the World. Sorry Austin. Rating: Upgrade

9) Health - With the death of the gym, that sneaky little monster called asthma has popped back into my life. Some of you might remember that the reason I joined the gym in the first place was on the recommendation of my doctor who told me that running can increase my lung capacity and decrease my need for medication. Running three times a week had me medication free. Since I have been here I have had one full blown asthma attack in Huntington Beach and a close call while out dancing last week. My lung have spoken. Rating: Downgrade

10) Learning/intellectual - Getting re-certified in BLS, ACLS, PALS, NRP, TNCC and the CCRN, not to mention all the drugs I have not used in years has me doing more studying than I have done in quite a while. Don't worry about what all those letters mean, all they mean is you are going to be very, very safe next time you hang out with me. Rating: Upgrade

11) Personal relationships - How can nothing be greater than nothing? I guess since Vegas has 12 YSA wards, and Austin has 4 then Vegas has to take it. Rating: Upgrade

12) Spiritual - We are going to save this category for a later post. Stay tuned.

After the votes were tallied, Vegas wins with an 8 out of 11. Somedays are hard, and I really do miss the ease and comfort of Austin. I had a hard time making the decision to move, but when all is said and done, I really am happy here. Thank you to all my friends (especially Princess and The Peacemaker) back in Austin who encouraged me to make such a huge leap when I was so scared to even think about the possibility.

Your Browser History As Embarrassing As Mine?

Being still relatively new to the whole Mac world, tonight I was scrolling over my menu bar and just looking over what my options were right there at the top of the page. I scrolled across the "History" drop down and pulled down the list of the the most recent websites I had been to. I was a touch embarrassed and instantly wanted to purge the whole thing in case I found myself at the Apple store trying to explain to the guy why I visited Failblog more times that I did CNN.com. The feeling quickly passed as realized they probably saw way more embarrassing histories from frat guys and well, just about any guy, and decided instead to see what I have been really spending my time doing.

Tonight:

1. Text From Last Night - Today Flip and I went to Urban Outfitters and I stubbed upon the book that came from this website and it was highly inappropriate but hilarious none the less. The entire website is comprised of things friends text messaged to each other that taken out of context or just read are down right ridiculous. I spent a good hour tonight reading page after page of this stuff. Just a warning, you might not want to read this at work, so I will paste in some funny, but clean entries.

• How do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way - you don't

• And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.

• Told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

2. Post Secret - This is a website that I only recently was introduced to. People take their darkest, most embarrassing secrets, place them on a postcard and mail them anonymously to this guy who lives somewhere back East. Every Sunday he post a fresh crop of them on the website for everyone to see their secret shame. If that sounds like to much work for you, but still want to share you deepest, darkest secret, please feel free to do so in the comment section.

3. Google Search: Phone backgrounds - I am sure you are all well aware I am picking up my new iPhone in a few hours. It will have the ability to have a background picture on the desktop, so I was browsing to see if there were any I liked. I wish it was only phone backgrounds, but on in the history there was also, superhero phone backgrounds, star trek phone backgrounds, Diet Coke with Lime phone backgrounds. Perhaps the last should have been, how to tell people I am a nerd backgrounds.

4. Facebook is on here more often than I would like to admit. If I tried to list every last time I was on there, this post would be nothing but Facebook visits. I may or may not have a problem.

5. Apple.com - After telling someone that their iPhone 3g would be able to have the new operating system and all the new amazing features, I logged on to see which features will be available with the update. Seriously, I should work for Apple.

6. Two episodes of "True Beauty" - I watched two episodes of "True Beauty", and all I could think was, really ABC, after Lost went off the air, this is the best you can do for me. Sure I sound condescending, but that did not stop me from watching the show, now did it?

7. Blog Spot - I seriously log on to the site everyday. Why have conversations with friends when you can just follow them. It is all the benefits of being friends in real life with out any of the downers. By the way, thanks for reading.

Wednesday:

8. Cooks.com - homemade tortillas - Yup, this is what you get for watching Top Chef at 2 in the morning and thinking to yourself, yeah, that doesn't look that hard.

9. Luxor - Bodies exhibit - how cool is this place? It is an entire exhibit of dead people. It is just like being at work, except I have to pay them and I don't ever have to worry if I secretly did something to put them in that state.

10. Awkward Family Photos.com - Who does not love this page? Where else would I find out that it is always a bad idea to take pictures of your naked pregnant belly, with guns, or in one case with your naked pregnant belly and guns?

Tuesday:

11. YouTube - What did people do before Youtube? I guess you just had to hear about some guy getting hit in the groin with a baseball bat, or racking himself trying to do a rail slide, or one drunk guy junk punching another. There is almost no way a guy can get hit in the good anymore without it ending up available for the general public to view. No in the market for a good laugh at men doubled over in pain, I spent the day looking at Radiohead videos, acoustic versions of "Nice Dream", and almost every video this kid David Day made. Day has a serious thing for Miley Cyrus.

12. Blog Spot - This was me writing my the last post I published. See, not everything I site I visit is a complete waste of time.

13. Myxer - This is a website where you can make your own ringtones. I could not get the fetching thing to work, despite it working for others. I tried sending it to my phone, downloading it, and sending it directly to my phone. I am not helpless, but if you want to send me a ringtone, I will use it. No matter what it is. Take this as a dare.

14. Bellagio - Art Museum - Apparently I need to get out more, instead of just looking at cool things to do on the internet. I really want to hit this exhibit before it rotates. They have a Picasso there right now. I bet it would look great over my couch.

15. Story name generator - I am the worst at coming up with names for my stories, so I cheat a little, but this website had the most outlandish suggestions. Magnus Brown? Peter Coffyn? I would be better served by just naming my characters boy 1, girl 2, and dog.

Monday:

16. Google Search: What is a Bonjour list and how do I put my AIM friends on my iChat list? - I still could not figure it out. Why am I so retarded at this kind of stuff? I think that geeks secretly make it impossible for normal people to do it on their own so that they are always ensure jobs and that girls will desperately ask them for help.

Sunday

17. Google Search: Description of necrotic tissue

18. Google Search: What does death smell like

19. Google Search: Description of way Zombies move

20. Google Search: List of step of body decomposing

21. Google Search: Appearance of urine in a cadaver - Please do not call the police, I can prove that this is all for a story.

22. Google Search: How long does it take to get from LA to San Paolo

23. Google Search: Weight of an airplane - Further proof that I am not psychotic and secretly learning how to dispose of your body. I will post the story when I am done.

24. Google Search: Brazilian fruits

25. Google Search: Ways to contract a virus - Seriously, how did writers ever research anything before the internet? The library. I would be to lazy to write a single word.

Saturday:

26. Facebook - It is embarrassing how much I am on this page. This was the only page I visited all day. I have visited it several times while actually typing this post. If I could put Facebook in the picture of picture on the TV, I would.

Friday:

27. Rainbow cake recipe - This is the cake we made for The Black Widow's birthday. I was amazing I could actually pull this cake off. I was sure at several points in the process that we were going to have to chuck the whole thing and buy a cheap white sheet cake from Walmart.

28. Nothing Bunt Cakes - Okay, so maybe I don't know how to spell bundt.

29. Nothing Bundt Cake - This website looks like a bakery and a scrap-booking store had sex and this is their bastard child. No joke.

30. Blockbuster queue - I added True Blood: Season Two and Never Back Down. Judge me if you want.

31. Google Search: Matthew Fox Shirtless - Not sure how we go to this point, but if you did not judge me on the last one, you can feel free to do so now.

Thursday:

32. Google Search: Silk Spector - Awesome or creepy? Awesome because I am once again looking up superheroes or creepy because it was on the heels of Matthew Fox shirtless search? Do I ever Google fully clothed people?

33. Google Search: Lost Explained - Weird, it was just a blank page. Oh right, because there are no answers to be had

34. Anthropologie - It is like worshipping at the alter. I did not buy anything, but it sure is nice to look. I would love so much to decorate my whole house from there, but am a little gun shy after EVERYONE who sees my teapot lamp tells me how much they hate it.

After laying my surfing habits out for all the see, I wonder if yours is worse than mine. I can handle the furtive looks from the Apple store guy, but can you? Tell me, is your browser history even more embarrassing than mine?

From Today to Yesterday

Tonight as I settled behind the wheel, I turned the on heater and as a blast of warm air bathed my face I caught a slight hint of that new car smell still hiding somewhere way back in the vents of my car. I had not smelled this smell in months. Slowly as I became accustomed to my car, climbing in and out everyday that smell faded from notice. But tonight I was falling back in time to the moment I opened my driver's side door for the first time on the car lot. The smell was so strong as it wafted out into the muggy night air. The memory is so sharp that the whole scene is laid out before me from the way the halogen lot lights changed the shade of my shirt, to the bite of my purse upon my shoulder, down to the way the bottom of my feet were slightly sticky against my plastic bottomed sandals.

Often one thing can be so associated with another that you don't even realize it is gone, or changed, or missing till something jolts you back to how it used to be. Long after the event has come or gone or the person has come in and left out of our lives the smell or taste of them is still sitting on your brain in intangible drops hidden beneath a tangled mass of years but when you come upon them they are poignant edifices of memory. Falling into one can conjure up a complex vision of the things you love, the things that make you who you are today, and the things you never want to lose.

This is how a song will come on my iPod and I will be insantly be transported back to an aisle of Target trying to decide between plum and purple nail polish. It is how I will almost be able to feel the warm beat of the sun upon the apple of my cheeks as I walked across campus towards home just by a the smell of freshly mowed grass. It is how a passages of a book will bring back the heaviness of heart from a time when the words were more than literature but reflected my own feelings. It is almost as if it was a short cut from today to then, from now to yesterday. A direct string that could pull me back to that very moment that my nose was full of a lover's perfumed skin or I felt the crackle beneath my hands of breaking ribs the first time I did CPR.

While some memories are vaulted to the front of our minds, most moments in our lives are ever so ephemeral; gone with a beat of a butterfly’s wings. Our lives are fluid and wash into the past second by second, lost forever. What is it that makes some moments go missing in the muck and mire of my memory, subject to the ravages of a corporeal vault, while others are so brilliant that they blaze when visited? I can tell you what Red will order at almost every restaurant in the greater Austin area, exactly where Flip left his flash drive, the very shade of deep azure blue The Preacher's eyes are, or the way Frankie clasps his hands and crinkles his left eye when he laughs, but cannot tell you how old I was when I learned to whistle, what my fourth grade teacher's name was, or a single pair of shoes I had before the age of 15. The mind chooses memories like a child collecting rocks. Some are chosen for their aesthetic value, some for their size, but most are chosen indiscriminately, plucked from obscurity and made special.

As calendar days flicker past, more of my life will slip between the thin pinch in the hourglass. Before I know it, most of my sand will have settled along the bottom. Reviewing my past, I will not be able to remember days, but will only be able to remember moments. My life available for recall at an instant when the most amount of memories will be at my disposal. While my mistakes and regrets will surely come to mind, I hope there will be memories that will warm the cockles of my heart, memories that I cannot even list here because the best is yet to come. Those memories will be the sum total of who I am, for good or bad because even at the end the past is never dead.

It's Me, Mario!

Let's go on a trip (squiggly flash-back lines here). The year is 1990. Look around your house, but avoid that mirror over there, you are currently wearing a hyper-color, pegged jeans, BKs, and a side ponytail. It is not a pretty sight. What is that you see under the TV? Why it is your childhood best friend, The Nintendo. You and your siblings saw The Wizard in the theaters a couple of months ago and are now after much drooling and begging and maybe a little crying, you finally have the in your hot little hands the game of all games. Super Mario Brothers 3. Can you still hear the triumphant ditty it played at the end of the level when you get your card?

Flash forward to last night when Flip and I stumble upon the option to buy Super Mario Brothers 3 on the Wii. I was so happy, I nearly cried real tears. Five hours later we had successfully filled our evening for 1/4 of what it would have cost to go see a movie. I was transported to the fantasy land of my youth where I knew which blocks were coins, where to find Penny Heaven, and I how to really use a raccoon tail to my advantage. Turns out, I freaking love video games.

I can feel the judgment from many of you. Saying you love video games is akin to saying you love to watch TV. Everyone secretly does, it is just taboo to say. While everyone from Tipper Gore to your mother says that video games will rot your brain, during our extended button mashing fest last night, Flip and I discussed how video games really make your life better. I have decided to share this knowledge with all of you. Get ready to become a believer.

Video games make your life better because...

1. They gives us a common culture much in the same way that movies and TV does. Did you feel that nostalgic pull when you just saw the intro screen picture above. How long could we talk about Contra, Mike Tysen's Punch Out, or Super Pitfall? Next time you are on a date and there is a lull in the conversation, try discussing which Street Fighter character has the best moves. You guys will have enough to talk about to make it through at least dessert.

2. They teach us real life skills. I realized this while playing Grand Theft Auto. I would have never realized the best way to steal a car is to wait at the stop light until I played this game for hours. I mean, that is hard won knowledge I might need to use someday. Also I am pretty sure after playing Rock Band, I could sit in for most drummers.

3. They allow you to be competitive without the danger of throwing mini golf clubs, taking someone's eye out with a Risk piece after you flip the board, or nearly drown your friend trying to wrestle the ball back in pool basketball.

4. They teach you social skills. Now I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but think about all the World Of Warcraft players who have friends all over the world. Those guys would had zero friends before the game, but now they have a chance to talk and interact with others. That also cuts down on the friendless socio-path who are sitting at home, plotting to destroy the world.

5. They reenforces abstinence. Because come on, what girl plays World Of Warcraft?

6. They improve your hand eye coordination, which also reenforces abstinence. If you don't understand that reason, you can email me privately and I will explain it to you in small words. It's okay, I am a nurse, you can ask me.

7. They improve your memory. To this day if you ask my brother where the flute or big shield is in Legend of Zelda is, he can tell you from the other room. This reason is not full proof though, just ask him to recite the pythagorean theorem and I am not sure you would get the same results.

8. They can train you to have various careers. Call of Duty is a perfect example of this. I never considered a career as a professional bad ass until playing this game. I love to snipe from the buildings and severe jugular arteries like a lethal killing machine. That game also has me convinced I can almost speak German. While Call of Duty speaks to me personally, there are plenty of other games out there that could help people realize what they want to do in life. They could play F-Zero and want to be a race car driver, or belt it out with Sing Star and realize their dream is to be on American Idol, or play The Sims and realize they want to become makers of really boring video games.

9. In addition to helping you find your career path, it can also help you once you have the job. I am pretty sure playing hours of Halo and Gears of War slowly deaden you inside and give you a false sense of invincibility, which will make you a great soldier, lawyer, or DMV worker.

10. They teach you endurance. The older platforms were pretty good at this. When you first started playing your hand would cramp after a hour or two of playing, you kept having to stop the game to pee, got all fidgety when your lower extremities cried for circulation. Eventually you began to train your body to work through the developing carpal tunnel syndrome, to sit for long hours in a chair while paying attention, and stretch your bladder to the size of a gas tank. Coincidently, these are all skills you can use in a modern day office. Today we can also use the Wii for this. But be careful to used in moderation at first before the endurance is built up because nothing is more embarrassing than saying you are sore from playing Wii tennis and not regular tennis.

11. They teach you real problem solving. When in the history of the world have so many people been ready to deal with a full blown zombie attack?

12. They teach us morals. Unless you are playing Grand Theft Auto or Soul Reaver, you are most likely the hero in the game. Your goals are almost always good and noble. You are striving to rescue princesses mostly, but can also be trying to stop global destruction, take down a shadowy, semi-legitimate organization, return to a dolphin to it's pod, or save your village from a rampant dinosaur attack. An entire religion could be built upon these principals.

13. They build self confidence. You play enough and you might start to think that you actual look like Lara Croft, that you are so good that Steve Madden would hire you, or that you could really show Tony Hawk a thing or two. True the self confidence is as false as painted on vampire abs, but where do you think those idiots who made Jackass got all that bravado from?

14. They teach us how to assimilate. The games we have now are just prepping the human race for the eventual assimilate that is bound to occur when Terminator like robots take over the world. Gamers will be the only ones who know how to relate to our new overlords.

15. They teach you observational skills. Due to the intense amount of details you must catch in each level and the need to know how to function in each game, your observation skills become so honed that in real life you don't miss a thing.

16. They teach you observational skills. Due to the intense amount of details you must catch in each level and the need to know how to function in each game, your observation skills become so honed that in real life you don't miss a thing.

17. They teach us dedication, patience, and resolution. This is why every lady should look past the pasty skin obtained from hours of indoor play and indentation on the side of the face from the where the game mic has permanently made a place for itself and seriously consider dating a gamer. Even if you guys don't get end up together, just think, you now know someone who will fix your computer.

While it might be Tetris or Dr. Mario that gets your gaming juices flowing instead of Super Mario Brothers 3, I think you should seriously take a break from your book clubs and tea parties and spend a little quality time remembering all the great things that video games have done for you. Until next time, remember how cool you feel right now that when I say up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, select, start, that you knew what I was talking about. See video games just made your life a little bit better.

Project: Stay Up All Night

Well, this is the week I start working the night shift. Tomorrow night is my first shift and I am trying to make the transition in my sleep pattern. I have not worked the night shift since nursing school. Can I make it all the way till morning?

8:45 - Declare Project Up All Night starts. Thinks maybe I should have started last night instead. Fully convinced at this point that this is a bad idea.

8:51 - Stop at 7-11 and ask for largest Gulp available. Secretly sad when 64 oz of caffeine is all they could provide me. I was hoping for a trough, or a beer helmet, or a modified insulin pump that would inject substance straight into my body.

9:00 - Curse poor planning for leaving FHE so late that Cafe Rio is closed. Instead make overly complicated dinner which involves peeling and detailing shrimp. Feel like domestic goddess when dinner is plated and wished someone was there to tell me how awesome it looked.

9:20 - Check DVR and wondered why I have not filled it up with inane shows to watch tonight at 2am when even more inane shows are on. Start "House" and eat un-worshipped dinner with chopsticks. Feel fancy for doing so.

9:35 - Get brilliant idea that I will use my time wisely tonight and study EKG rhythm interpretation for my job. Pause "House" and rush out to hit up Barnes and Nobles before they close.

9:40 - Park at Barnes and Noble and of the three other cars in the parking lot, spot the one where either a date was ending very well, or the lady in the passenger seat was looking for her earring in the driver's seat while the man was still in it. Decide it best I not investigate to closely.

9:41 - Meet only clerk in entire store. Quickly realizes she hates her job, and hates me even more for coming in so late with dumb questions. Ask her where EKG books are. Told they do not carry them.

9:42 - Decide hateful store clerk is lying to me. Find selection in the "Medical/Nursing" section, and then locate desired books.

9:43 - Get side tracked by anatomy coloring book and have visions of how fun my night would be coloring pituitary and adrenal glands purple. Then remember I am 1) no longer being tested on exact location inguinal ligament and 2) have vague notion that I at one point already owned this book and colored my way through it.

9:49 - Struggle with purchase decision between 400 page book teacher recommended and 132 page pocket guide. Who are we kidding? I went with the pocket guide.

9:50 - In attempt to put back unwanted items, I create a tsunami of pocket guides where gravity reached up and claimed at least 20 of them. Now standing ankle deep in pocket guides while pervader of hate rounds corner and sees she has not gotten rid of me and thinks I am plotting to make her stay all night.

9:51 - Summarily escorted to register for my now mandatory purchase. Decide is not good idea to flip through the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition while at counter.

9:53 - Walk back out to my car and decide woman is defiantly not looking for an earring.

10:00 - Drive to Blockbuster to get movie to fill time later due to lack of DVR planning. Decide to rent "Crank 2" after remembering hot sex scene in "Crank 1".

10:05 - Walk past "The Bachelor Party" on sale table and decide life would not be complete without owning it. Spend next 10 minutes trying to find any movie I would not be embarrassed to own later. End up with "Couples Retreat", despite never having seen it and know Vince Vaughn will try his hardest to make me regret decision.

10:17 - Meet bookstore employee's long lost brother. Tells me movie I am about to rent sucks. Rent anyways because he obviously does not remember same sex scene I do.

10:25 - Return home and restart "House". Try to figure out what is wrong with patient before House does.

11:07 - Arachnoid tumor? Seriously? How was I ever supposed to guess that. Start mindless "Castle" next.

11:08 - Prep photos for Facebook upload, wonder how upset Flip will be at each photo. Decide I am not best person to judge and then remember that I post everything. Set timer to see how long till he untags himself and then tells me I am a bad person and will eventual destroy my camera.

11:19 - Review photos after posting and feel one might incur the most wrath, but still am unsure if I should take it down. In the end, leave it posted.

11:33 - While watching "Castle", surfing Facebook. Under the "Photo Memories" tab it shows a picture of me and The Jew. Momentarily black out thinking about how hot he was, and wonder if he still that hot. Check his Facebook account and confirm he is still that hot. Get depressed. Realize he is last person I kissed, get more depressed.

11:42 - Spent last nine minutes trying to think of someone who would make out with me. Came up empty handed. Depression deepening.

12:11 - "Castle" is over, pretty sure I got dumber from watching it. EKG book is staring accusingly at me. Pick up book and have high ambitions of being EKG queen by morning.

12:13 - Somehow EKG book is back on the table and I am reading Tucker Max instead.

12:26 - Text friend who sent me Tucker Max book and thank him for making my life better.

12:51 - Still reading. Texting friend tells me my text are coming through on a 20 minute delay. Hate AT&T. Go outside and angrily shake my fist at cellular wave that decide they are to good to stop by my house.

1:48 - Hit a wall. Tiredness is settling in. Direct caffeine infusion not possible due to lack of equipment, but I will have another Diet Coke. Think text friend has wisely gone to bed. Am going to attempt to finish Tucker book tonight.

2:26 - There is light at then end of the tunnel. I am convinced I can make it till sun-up. Best line from the book so far? "I hope my daughters date guys like me."

3:10 - Noticed Flip untagged his photos at 1:00. Two hours from post to untag, that has to be some kind of record.

3:42 - Sleepy is such an understatement at this point that it almost fails at being a word. Having a hard time concentrating on book, so decide to see if anyone is on line to chat with. No one; not a single person. FML.

5:13 - Finished entire 257 pages of Tucker Max book. Considers all the books I could have read tonight, and scan list of "Top 100 Greatest Novels of the 20th Century" to make sure it is not on list to be checked off. Oddly enough, it is not there. Wonder how many people will judge me for reading Tucker Max book.

5:14 - Am now fully aware will not make it to 6 am yoga despite desire for sexy swimmer lines for upcoming summer months. Unsure if can even make it to 6 am and regretting not buying Sport's Illustrated Swimsuit Edition to inspire me to go to 6 am yoga.

5:35 - Sweet, merciful sun. We meet again. Finish up blog post, wash face and attempt to devise ways to ensure dog does not wake me up every 20 for the next 9 hours of sleep.

Hospital Orientation

Monday morning I started my new job. Well, to be fair, it was my first day earning a paycheck, but I have not really started working yet. Hospital orientation is a necessary evil that scares some nurses so much that they work at the same hospital their entire careers. A far as hospital orientations go, the one I have been in this week is not half bad.

Monday we started off with company wide orientation where you learn about just how large the system you work for actually is. No one except CEO's really care how the company started or it's humble beginnings. The funnest part of this was finding out that company headquarters are in King Of Prussia, PA. I was more interested in how this city got such an obtuse name as King Of Prussia and how it landed straight in the middle of Pennsylvania.

The next segment was on a "Culture of Care" and it was tag team taught by a truly Southern couple, complete with ya'lls and drawls. The husband portion of the team has a pitch and roll to his voice that harkened me back to my Baptist days. As colorful as he was, when he ripped into his 25 minute sermon on compassionate care and teamwork, I was on fire with spirit of the message. I could feel the pull of long forgotten joys associated with bedside care. I remembered that not only did I love working in the hospital, but that I was good at it. While the regimented grind sometimes pulverizes others, I thrive in an environment of order and near obsessive adherence to a schedule. I cannot express the internal satisfaction that I get from meeting the clear cut expectations required to be a hospital nurse. I know at 7 I must do assessments, 9 is morning meds, 10 is hygiene, 12 is lunch, 2 are procedures. My neurotic nature is perfectly designed to thrive in that setting.

After a deli counter lunch that left something to be desired, we did an additional four hours of no real note, except for one thing. I know you all know what a huge nerd I am, and this was typified at the sheer excitement I felt when I found out our facility uses Zoll defibrillators. I normally try to scrub my blog of any personal identifiers, but the picture at the top of this blog is me in 2007 at the Critical Care Nursing Conference in Atlanta. They were demoing the then new Zoll Defibrillators. The Zolls are just like in other standard defibrillators in that they deliver shocks through pads place on the chest, but what makes Zolls so special is that they give constructive feedback on how well your chest compressions are being given. At the conference, you first do one minute of CPR with no instruction and it gave you a rating on how well you did on rate, depth, pressure. I am ashamed to say I got a 39%. Then you do another minute of CPR with the verbal correction on and I this time I got a 97%. I am sure no one person who reads this cares, but I am simply salivating for my first code (and by that I mean so we can save them, not that I am cold hearted and wishing for people to die).

The second day was a bit of a snooze. We did every module that I had drilled into me while in the SNAP program like the Braden scale, core measures, restraints, organ donation, scope of practice, Accuchecks, etc. I seriously could teach these modules, and in the case of the Braden scale, I have. But, as Flip pointed out, it is better to bored to tears because you could take the test without the module presentation and be just fine than to feel overwhelmed and behind. I am just hoping that all the anxiety about lost knowledge when I get to the floor flows back just as easily. Interesting side note I learned on this day, techs cannot do finger sticks in the state of Nevada. Super, my first shift with a patient who needs them every hour should be awesome.

Today we did our computer training. The worst part of computer training is that fact that the entire class has to go as slow as the slowest person. I tend to be that person who is first done with their test, whom you actually secretly hate, so it was a bit painful doing 4 hours of work in 8 hours. Despite the snail's pace, exploration of the system unleashed my excitement. I cannot wait to get on the floor. I have not felt this kind of job excitement in quite a few years. I am ready to blast forward with plunge in head first.

I feel like I spent the first few years of being a nurse pulling myself up to a certain level of proficiency, constantly relearning things that were only words on a page before. I am now ready to build my career. I have a plan (then again, don't I always). I am going to start on night shift, which will be a great way to ease myself back into the swing of things and will be a great opportunity to learn what happens on the night shift because the next part of my plan is to be transferred to days. Days involves, three meals, morning meds, the bath, doctors orders, and all the procedures, and let me tell you is a whole other ball game. After about a year I hope to sit for my certification exam, the PCCN, and then apply to be a charge nurse. It is all very exciting.

Tomorrow with be another day of modules, and I am going to try to resist the urge to bring a crossword to class, and just focus on the fact I am getting paid. Monday morning I will get to see my floor for the first time. I am really excited about this new chapter in my life and honestly hope that it will be the kind of place that will cultivate a continued love for the hospital and the kind of nurse I want to be.

First Vegas Update

I know I have not been posting as regularly as many of you would like. The move became all encompassing, and it was hard to make time for anything, let alone reflection. I have gotten several requests for new posts to keep everyone updated on what is going on in with me right now. Being the good friend that I am, with some extra time on my hands, I thought I would oblige.

I arrived in the valley on March 22 and spent the night at my parent's house out in Henderson. The feeling was surreal. For as much time as I have spend there, I was now there not for leisure. With my dog scamping around, finally free of the confines of the moving truck, and my own car parked out front, the ephemeral feeling of childhood that the house usually held was not there. Twelve hours later I was off to my new apartment all the way across town. I now live about 35 minutes away from them, closer to where I went to high school. For those who don't know Vegas is a huge city in comparison to Austin and everything is much farther away than I am used to. Due to it's size, even though I grew up fairly close to here, I am not familiar with this part of town at all.

My dad came earlier in the day, and some guys from the ward came later that night and got everything moved in. From there, it has been all me. It is mostly all together now, even though some errant boxes are still littering the floors and all of my knick-knacks with no place to go are cluttering up every flat surface in the place. In the move I lost a floor lamp (dad's fault), a table lamp (my fault), a drinking glass, my Sonicare toothbrush, the bamboo vase, and a bedspread. All in all, I am no worse for the wear.

My hospital paperwork is all filled out and ready for me to start work on April 12th. The day I went over there to sign my offer I was blown out of the water. Summerlin Hospital is roughly the size of Brackenridge and St. David's combined, for any Austin nurses that should really impress you. As you crest the hill and the hospital comes into view, I could think of several casinos that are not this big. Keep in mind this is one of 12 major hospitals in the area. After I signed the offer I had to drive all the way across town and submit to the standard hospital hire of a drug test, a physical, and TB test. The weird thing is that they do a two part TB test here. So it was four trips back to the miserable occupational health clinic total. As if this was not painful enough I have a full week of hospital orientation next week. If I have to sit through one more ADEIT class, or restraints check offs, I might just have to jump off the top of the overly impressive hospital itself. Then again, at my new hourly rate, I think I can manage to restrain my areal ambitions.

Making new friends has been more successful than I thought it would be at this point. Some of you may remember me telling you about meeting up with Flip and we did as planned. He is a really quality guy, and has been invaluable in the process. My social awkwardness is still trying to sabotage me every now and then and I end up with my foot in my mouth. Like when I said, "Let's ask those drunk people to take our picture" and someone said, "They are not drunk those are our friends". This is not the way to win friends and influence people. I am trying to keep the advice that Red gave me before I left when she told me that moving gives me a blank slate, where no one remembers the social scars of the past here and I can reinvent myself. Frankie told me that I may have had problems making friends in the past, but that he thinks I have grown since then and he thinks I will be just fine. Who knew he would be right?

One of the best parts of the move is I now live in a city with a temple. I have not lived in a city with a temple since I was endowed. Although the temple could fit easily into one of the wings of the hospital, compared to the San Antonio temple, it is still large and impressive. Tonight we had a ward baptism trip, and I was saddened by how few people where there, both in our own baptism group and in the temple as a whole. I think San Antonio's small size and the fact that you have to book weeks in advance to do work for the dead had my expectations skewed on what to expect here. The member of the temple presidency who came to speak to us said that they do the same number of ordinance completed today as they did when it opened in 1989 despite there being three times more temple recommend holders in the valley.

Moving into the baptistry, I was filled with irritation at this and that, but after I was redressed and sitting on the bench, the feeling that I go for finally washed over me. The stress of moving, money, making friends, and starting a new job finally melted away. That sense of peace and confirmation that I had done the right thing came to me and I had not realized how much my soul was in need of it. I made a goal to recommit myself to do the things I have let slip in light of life changing events. I need to recommit myself to daily prayer and need to be more committed to scripture study. I know that He cannot do for me unless I am obedient and moving forward spiritually. It is not enough to simply take the leap of faith to come here without continuing to do the work. For now I am looking for answers on what the purpose of my move was, why did He prompt me to move here, at this time?

I am going to try to keep you more up to date through the post and just wanted to remind everyone how much I really do miss them. Until next time....