8:45 - Declare Project Up All Night starts. Thinks maybe I should have started last night instead. Fully convinced at this point that this is a bad idea.
8:51 - Stop at 7-11 and ask for largest Gulp available. Secretly sad when 64 oz of caffeine is all they could provide me. I was hoping for a trough, or a beer helmet, or a modified insulin pump that would inject substance straight into my body.
9:00 - Curse poor planning for leaving FHE so late that Cafe Rio is closed. Instead make overly complicated dinner which involves peeling and detailing shrimp. Feel like domestic goddess when dinner is plated and wished someone was there to tell me how awesome it looked.
9:20 - Check DVR and wondered why I have not filled it up with inane shows to watch tonight at 2am when even more inane shows are on. Start "House" and eat un-worshipped dinner with chopsticks. Feel fancy for doing so.
9:35 - Get brilliant idea that I will use my time wisely tonight and study EKG rhythm interpretation for my job. Pause "House" and rush out to hit up Barnes and Nobles before they close.
9:40 - Park at Barnes and Noble and of the three other cars in the parking lot, spot the one where either a date was ending very well, or the lady in the passenger seat was looking for her earring in the driver's seat while the man was still in it. Decide it best I not investigate to closely.
9:41 - Meet only clerk in entire store. Quickly realizes she hates her job, and hates me even more for coming in so late with dumb questions. Ask her where EKG books are. Told they do not carry them.
9:42 - Decide hateful store clerk is lying to me. Find selection in the "Medical/Nursing" section, and then locate desired books.
9:43 - Get side tracked by anatomy coloring book and have visions of how fun my night would be coloring pituitary and adrenal glands purple. Then remember I am 1) no longer being tested on exact location inguinal ligament and 2) have vague notion that I at one point already owned this book and colored my way through it.
9:49 - Struggle with purchase decision between 400 page book teacher recommended and 132 page pocket guide. Who are we kidding? I went with the pocket guide.
9:50 - In attempt to put back unwanted items, I create a tsunami of pocket guides where gravity reached up and claimed at least 20 of them. Now standing ankle deep in pocket guides while pervader of hate rounds corner and sees she has not gotten rid of me and thinks I am plotting to make her stay all night.
9:51 - Summarily escorted to register for my now mandatory purchase. Decide is not good idea to flip through the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition while at counter.
9:53 - Walk back out to my car and decide woman is defiantly not looking for an earring.
10:00 - Drive to Blockbuster to get movie to fill time later due to lack of DVR planning. Decide to rent "Crank 2" after remembering hot sex scene in "Crank 1".
10:05 - Walk past "The Bachelor Party" on sale table and decide life would not be complete without owning it. Spend next 10 minutes trying to find any movie I would not be embarrassed to own later. End up with "Couples Retreat", despite never having seen it and know Vince Vaughn will try his hardest to make me regret decision.
10:17 - Meet bookstore employee's long lost brother. Tells me movie I am about to rent sucks. Rent anyways because he obviously does not remember same sex scene I do.
10:25 - Return home and restart "House". Try to figure out what is wrong with patient before House does.
11:07 - Arachnoid tumor? Seriously? How was I ever supposed to guess that. Start mindless "Castle" next.
11:08 - Prep photos for Facebook upload, wonder how upset Flip will be at each photo. Decide I am not best person to judge and then remember that I post everything. Set timer to see how long till he untags himself and then tells me I am a bad person and will eventual destroy my camera.
11:19 - Review photos after posting and feel one might incur the most wrath, but still am unsure if I should take it down. In the end, leave it posted.
11:33 - While watching "Castle", surfing Facebook. Under the "Photo Memories" tab it shows a picture of me and The Jew. Momentarily black out thinking about how hot he was, and wonder if he still that hot. Check his Facebook account and confirm he is still that hot. Get depressed. Realize he is last person I kissed, get more depressed.
11:42 - Spent last nine minutes trying to think of someone who would make out with me. Came up empty handed. Depression deepening.
12:11 - "Castle" is over, pretty sure I got dumber from watching it. EKG book is staring accusingly at me. Pick up book and have high ambitions of being EKG queen by morning.
12:13 - Somehow EKG book is back on the table and I am reading Tucker Max instead.
12:26 - Text friend who sent me Tucker Max book and thank him for making my life better.
12:51 - Still reading. Texting friend tells me my text are coming through on a 20 minute delay. Hate AT&T. Go outside and angrily shake my fist at cellular wave that decide they are to good to stop by my house.
1:48 - Hit a wall. Tiredness is settling in. Direct caffeine infusion not possible due to lack of equipment, but I will have another Diet Coke. Think text friend has wisely gone to bed. Am going to attempt to finish Tucker book tonight.
2:26 - There is light at then end of the tunnel. I am convinced I can make it till sun-up. Best line from the book so far? "I hope my daughters date guys like me."
3:10 - Noticed Flip untagged his photos at 1:00. Two hours from post to untag, that has to be some kind of record.
3:42 - Sleepy is such an understatement at this point that it almost fails at being a word. Having a hard time concentrating on book, so decide to see if anyone is on line to chat with. No one; not a single person. FML.
5:13 - Finished entire 257 pages of Tucker Max book. Considers all the books I could have read tonight, and scan list of "Top 100 Greatest Novels of the 20th Century" to make sure it is not on list to be checked off. Oddly enough, it is not there. Wonder how many people will judge me for reading Tucker Max book.
5:14 - Am now fully aware will not make it to 6 am yoga despite desire for sexy swimmer lines for upcoming summer months. Unsure if can even make it to 6 am and regretting not buying Sport's Illustrated Swimsuit Edition to inspire me to go to 6 am yoga.
5:35 - Sweet, merciful sun. We meet again. Finish up blog post, wash face and attempt to devise ways to ensure dog does not wake me up every 20 for the next 9 hours of sleep.
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