Night Shift Lessons

I survived my first night shift...barely. There were tears, there were threats, and in the end there was a broken person who used to love working in the hospital. But along the way, I learned a few gems that I thought I would share with you.

1. Working "nights" sucks just as much as Princess said it did. You should always believe Princess.

2. Don't piss off the person who control when you get your drugs in the first two hours she is there, because while you feel vindicated right now, remember there are still ten hours left of her shift.

3. When your preceptor tells you, "Now this is the way I do things", you should put your fingers in your ears and hum, because invariably, whatever she has to stay is idiotic.

4. Bacon wafting out of the cafeteria at the end of shift is not the heavenly aroma it is at the beginning of shift; it just kinda makes you think about how gross and greasy you really feel.

5. When they tell you that the cafeteria is open from 12pm - 3am, don't get all excited like you get to chose what day shift does, because all they really have for you is what you can get at a 7-11 at the same time of night.

6. You will always hate day shift and their full night sleep when they come in.

7. Just standing in front of the elevators will not make the elevator come. You might forget this when you are as tired as I am.

8. You might also forget how to get off the round-a-bout on the drive home.

9. Did I mention hating day shift?

10. Night shift does not sit around, catch up on their pleasure reading, or surf the net all night as I was once lead to believe. Turns out all that asinine paperwork that has to be done in the hospital, yeah, guess who gets to do that. If you guess the nurse who went to nursing school so she could secretly be a secretary, then you guest right.

11. Preceptors never tell you that you are expected to do stuff at certain times until it is like two hours after you should have already done them. So then you have to do them while you are supposed to be giving report to the hated, stupid day shift.

12. While we did baths on days at my old hospital, we do them on nights here. Why am I doomed to wash old people?

13. Quadruple charting must be super fun for everyone else, otherwise why would we do it so many times a night.

14. Lab, pharmacy, radiology, and dietary all hate you like you hate the day shift.

15. The new hospital you work at does everything it can to make your job just that much harder.

16. I am not as nice as I think I am at 0400.

17. Till midnight, I had the hardest time telling what time it was because I was not used to the military time. If I can't understand it, how is an 80 year old with glasses as thick as coke bottles? Oh, right, trying to use logic again.

18. You should never try to die in our hospital. Turns out we do no have code buttons....anywhere. You are supposed to, and I quote, "Scream bloody murder, and people will come, then we call the code". Awesome.

19. Walking out into a beautiful, warm spring day just pisses you off.

20. I used to say I was going to burn things to the ground as an expression. I now know what it feels like in reality.

21. Night shift will steal your chance to watch the "Lost" series finale. Which makes me hate the schedule.

22. One patient is hard when you are not used to how the unit is run, where things are, or the equipment. Two patients are eight times harder. How does that math work?

23. Night shift makes me hate everyone and everything. In case you did not catch that from the rest of the lessons.

24. Apparently I will do anything for money.

I am on the next two nights and I just have to hope that things get better. Next time you see me, just ask me how it is going. Then again, you might never see me, after the incarceration and all...