Being still relatively new to the whole Mac world, tonight I was scrolling over my menu bar and just looking over what my options were right there at the top of the page. I scrolled across the "History" drop down and pulled down the list of the the most recent websites I had been to. I was a touch embarrassed and instantly wanted to purge the whole thing in case I found myself at the Apple store trying to explain to the guy why I visited Failblog more times that I did CNN.com. The feeling quickly passed as realized they probably saw way more embarrassing histories from frat guys and well, just about any guy, and decided instead to see what I have been really spending my time doing.
Tonight:
1. Text From Last Night - Today Flip and I went to Urban Outfitters and I stubbed upon the book that came from this website and it was highly inappropriate but hilarious none the less. The entire website is comprised of things friends text messaged to each other that taken out of context or just read are down right ridiculous. I spent a good hour tonight reading page after page of this stuff. Just a warning, you might not want to read this at work, so I will paste in some funny, but clean entries.
- How do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way - you don't
- And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
- Told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
2. Post Secret - This is a website that I only recently was introduced to. People take their darkest, most embarrassing secrets, place them on a postcard and mail them anonymously to this guy who lives somewhere back East. Every Sunday he post a fresh crop of them on the website for everyone to see their secret shame. If that sounds like to much work for you, but still want to share you deepest, darkest secret, please feel free to do so in the comment section.
3. Google Search: Phone backgrounds - I am sure you are all well aware I am picking up my new iPhone in a few hours. It will have the ability to have a background picture on the desktop, so I was browsing to see if there were any I liked. I wish it was only phone backgrounds, but on in the history there was also, superhero phone backgrounds, star trek phone backgrounds, Diet Coke with Lime phone backgrounds. Perhaps the last should have been, how to tell people I am a nerd backgrounds.
4. Facebook is on here more often than I would like to admit. If I tried to list every last time I was on there, this post would be nothing but Facebook visits. I may or may not have a problem.
5. Apple.com - After telling someone that their iPhone 3g would be able to have the new operating system and all the new amazing features, I logged on to see which features will be available with the update. Seriously, I should work for Apple.
6. Two episodes of "True Beauty" - I watched two episodes of "True Beauty", and all I could think was, really ABC, after Lost went off the air, this is the best you can do for me. Sure I sound condescending, but that did not stop me from watching the show, now did it?
7. Blog Spot - I seriously log on to the site everyday. Why have conversations with friends when you can just follow them. It is all the benefits of being friends in real life with out any of the downers. By the way, thanks for reading.
Wednesday:
8. Cooks.com - homemade tortillas - Yup, this is what you get for watching Top Chef at 2 in the morning and thinking to yourself, yeah, that doesn't look that hard.
9. Luxor - Bodies exhibit - how cool is this place? It is an entire exhibit of dead people. It is just like being at work, except I have to pay them and I don't ever have to worry if I secretly did something to put them in that state.
10. Awkward Family Photos.com - Who does not love this page? Where else would I find out that it is always a bad idea to take pictures of your naked pregnant belly, with guns, or in one case with your naked pregnant belly and guns?
Tuesday:
11. YouTube - What did people do before Youtube? I guess you just had to hear about some guy getting hit in the groin with a baseball bat, or racking himself trying to do a rail slide, or one drunk guy junk punching another. There is almost no way a guy can get hit in the good anymore without it ending up available for the general public to view. No in the market for a good laugh at men doubled over in pain, I spent the day looking at Radiohead videos, acoustic versions of "Nice Dream", and almost every video this kid David Day made. Day has a serious thing for Miley Cyrus.
12. Blog Spot - This was me writing my the last post I published. See, not everything I site I visit is a complete waste of time.
13. Myxer - This is a website where you can make your own ringtones. I could not get the fetching thing to work, despite it working for others. I tried sending it to my phone, downloading it, and sending it directly to my phone. I am not helpless, but if you want to send me a ringtone, I will use it. No matter what it is. Take this as a dare.
14. Bellagio - Art Museum - Apparently I need to get out more, instead of just looking at cool things to do on the internet. I really want to hit this exhibit before it rotates. They have a Picasso there right now. I bet it would look great over my couch.
15. Story name generator - I am the worst at coming up with names for my stories, so I cheat a little, but this website had the most outlandish suggestions. Magnus Brown? Peter Coffyn? I would be better served by just naming my characters boy 1, girl 2, and dog.
Monday:
16. Google Search: What is a Bonjour list and how do I put my AIM friends on my iChat list? - I still could not figure it out. Why am I so retarded at this kind of stuff? I think that geeks secretly make it impossible for normal people to do it on their own so that they are always ensure jobs and that girls will desperately ask them for help.
Sunday
17. Google Search: Description of necrotic tissue
18. Google Search: What does death smell like
19. Google Search: Description of way Zombies move
20. Google Search: List of step of body decomposing
21. Google Search: Appearance of urine in a cadaver - Please do not call the police, I can prove that this is all for a story.
22. Google Search: How long does it take to get from LA to San Paolo
23. Google Search: Weight of an airplane - Further proof that I am not psychotic and secretly learning how to dispose of your body. I will post the story when I am done.
24. Google Search: Brazilian fruits
25. Google Search: Ways to contract a virus - Seriously, how did writers ever research anything before the internet? The library. I would be to lazy to write a single word.
Saturday:
26. Facebook - It is embarrassing how much I am on this page. This was the only page I visited all day. I have visited it several times while actually typing this post. If I could put Facebook in the picture of picture on the TV, I would.
Friday:
27. Rainbow cake recipe - This is the cake we made for The Black Widow's birthday. I was amazing I could actually pull this cake off. I was sure at several points in the process that we were going to have to chuck the whole thing and buy a cheap white sheet cake from Walmart.
28. Nothing Bunt Cakes - Okay, so maybe I don't know how to spell bundt.
29. Nothing Bundt Cake - This website looks like a bakery and a scrap-booking store had sex and this is their bastard child. No joke.
30. Blockbuster queue - I added True Blood: Season Two and Never Back Down. Judge me if you want.
31. Google Search: Matthew Fox Shirtless - Not sure how we go to this point, but if you did not judge me on the last one, you can feel free to do so now.
Thursday:
32. Google Search: Silk Spector - Awesome or creepy? Awesome because I am once again looking up superheroes or creepy because it was on the heels of Matthew Fox shirtless search? Do I ever Google fully clothed people?
33. Google Search: Lost Explained - Weird, it was just a blank page. Oh right, because there are no answers to be had
34. Anthropologie - It is like worshipping at the alter. I did not buy anything, but it sure is nice to look. I would love so much to decorate my whole house from there, but am a little gun shy after EVERYONE who sees my teapot lamp tells me how much they hate it.
After laying my surfing habits out for all the see, I wonder if yours is worse than mine. I can handle the furtive looks from the Apple store guy, but can you? Tell me, is your browser history even more embarrassing than mine?
AWESOME. I especially liked the "matthew fox shirtless" tidbit.
ReplyDeleteAlso try failbook and passiveaggressive notes. Very entertaining.
Jalaine!
ReplyDeleteI few comments...
A. I feel like post secret isn't properly described and that you make it sound on caliber with TFLN or FML.com. Post secret is fueled by the Hopeline and Frank Warren is in partnership with said org and other anti-suicide websites. Though some of them are cute, funny, and embarassing there are others that aren't shameful, but very deep and touching.
B. The rainbow cake is REALLY easy. Just prepare two boxes of white cake mix. Separate the mix into 6 bowls [two of them double the amount of mix for the base colors ie. if you're mixing a cup for each, do 2 cups for the base colors]
Mix food coloring into mixes and pour batter into two pans. Red, orange, yellow into one. Purple, blue, green into the other.
If you grease and flour the pans they pop out really easy.
I've made it, if I can you can.
C. WTF nothing bundt cake? It's like a trainwreck I can't pull myself away from!!!
Miss you.